Losing Me
by grungekitty
Summary: You know that feeling when you're looking back and wished that you weren't happy? That feeling when you don't want the memory to be a happy one, when you wish that you were as miserable as you should of been? Impressing Nova became part of who I was, then who I was entirely. I needed to find who I was again! SPRX POV (describing this story for me would be: "AND SUDDENLY...TALENT!"


**ok, fell upon the music video for "I knew you were trouble" by Taylor Swift**

**the MUSIC VIDEO! that's important!**

**cause it was the little monologue at the beginning that inspired me**

**so remember, the MUSIC VIDEO! not the song!**

**ok, that's all**

**except, Nova fangirls/boys might want to leave XD**

**-grungekitty**

* * *

You know that feeling when you're looking back and wished that you weren't happy? That feeling when you don't want the memory to be a happy one, when you wish that you were as miserable as you should of been.

Then maybe I would of seen past all the lies I was telling myself.

I feel like an idiot! I should of known! I _did_ know! I just ignored it! I knew I wasn't enough! I knew she wouldn't slow down.

I guess I just told myself I could keep up. Another lie I let myself believe.

Why did I let myself fall head over heels? I was an idiot! The dumb monkey!

I followed her like a lost puppy! I told myself it was love, and it _was_ love! ...at least from my end...

It took forever for her to even notice how hopelessly under I was. I wish she never did! Then maybe I would of moved on!

but no!

I knew she was fire! And I knew I was flammable!

But fire's beautiful sometimes you know? So freaking tempting! You just get burned in the end though!

When I saw her, and my heart grew wings and flew straight out of my chest! The next couple weeks only got worse. I fell in love. No! Worse than Love!

Devotion!

God! She was beautiful! My everything! I just wanted her attention! Her smile was heaven sent! Her eyes were intoxicating! Her voice was captivating!

But that's what a siren's like right?

She had me by the heart, the hardest leash to break! Tugging and twisting as she pleased!

I wish I hadn't been so pathetic! I wish I hadn't been so happy when she decided to pick me up! I wish I hadn't of let her do it!

I wish I could say that I was unhappy when I was with her, but I wasn't. I was content! It was perfect in my eyes! _She_ was perfect in my eyes! But I wasn't in her's.

It's still a blur, one big happy blur!

But I remember the end with too much detail for my taste

_I ran to where Nova asked me to meet her. I brought flowers, pink daises and yellow roses, her favorite._

_She looked as radiant as ever, sitting at a little table on the outside area of the cafe, also her favorite. She had her arms were neatly folded on the table's white tablecloth, a small teacup in front of her. Her head was turned away, staring in the distance. She was pouting, slightly put off by something unknown. She didn't see me approaching._

I remember that it looked like a scene from a movie. I wish I had know that it was the heart break scene I recognised.

_"Hey precious" I smiled_

_She turned her head to me and waited for me to sit. I offered the flowers, but she pushed them back towards me._

_"Don't bother ordering anything, we won't be here long" She said, coldly serious_

_"ok" I said_

That's what I said! "ok"! Such a metaphor! God! I was an idiot, I should of known right there! ...I should of known in a lot of places.

_"SPRX...I've been thinking" she said_

_I didn't respond. She seemed to of sighed._

"_It's probably best if we end this" she said with her eyes shut._

Kisses me with her eyes open, talks to me with her eyes shut. What a combo! I was such and Idiot!

"_end what?" I choked_

This is where the cracks began in my perfect world, but it hadn't crumbled yet. The one time I'm glad I didn't see it! At least it's on her conscience that she had to actually take the hammer to it and end it herself!

"_us" she said, he eyes still shut_

"_I...What...Why?" I said, not even noticing my own tears_

"_Well, it's just not doing it for me anymore, it's dead." She said_

Meaning I wasn't fun anymore!

"_but...I-I-I...I-I..." I stuttered_

_She stood up perfectly composed._

"_SPRX. Let's not cause a scene ok?" She said "I think it's gonna be better if you just let it go, ok?"_

_I just nodded. I didn't even watch her leave_.

_After a bit of staring at the white tablecloth, I dropped the flowers and left. I just left them there._

After that it's just a sad blur, I'm not even sure where I went after that!

Later I figured her whole game out! She did it there so she had the "cause a scene" excuse to have me let her go without a word. If I could go back, I'd cause the biggest scene I could, just so she'd have to deal with it! Instead of walking away and leaving the mess she just made.

I should be more angry. I broke _bones_ for her! Risked my _life_!

But in the end, I was the idiot that fell for it.

I kind of lost myself you know? Impressing Nova became part of who I was, then who I was entirely.

Now that she's gone, I have to find who I was before her.

I can't be Nova's boyfriend anymore, I have to be SPRX now. And I have to figure out who that is again.

I can't hate her really. I'm really mad at myself for losing myself. It was my fault. I guess I'm kind of glad that she let me go. After being on strings for so long, it's about time I learned how to walk on my own again.

So I guess that that's why I'm leaving. No doubt, they'll think it's because I'm too heart broken to face her, and maybe I am, but it doesn't matter. I've got to go figure myself out again, away from her, or I'm gonna let my life became about her again.

"_I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are."_

* * *

**that ending line right there was from the end of the video**

**anyways**

**so yay, that's done**

**and in case this wasn't obvious, it was SPRX's POV**

**...**

**...I think that this is the my first one-shot in first person**

**I have one other that I haven't posted yet...not sure why though o_O**

**anyways...yay!**

**ok, bye now ^v^**

**-grungekitty**


End file.
